


Cough Syrup

by Dokuhan



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Also Natsume has a navel piercing because let me have this, Anal Sex, Ass to Mouth, Bad Sex, Come Eating, Coming of Age, Dubious Consent, First Time, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Misunderstandings, Rimming, The Sakasakis are legit witches you can't take that away from me, Witchcraft, Witches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-10-16 05:50:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17543903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dokuhan/pseuds/Dokuhan
Summary: Natsume has been feeling...off for a while, but he can't seem to place why. After a disastrous encounter with Tsumugi, though, he's about to find himself feeling a lot worse.--aka "Natsumugi sex spell gone wrong"





	Cough Syrup

He wasn’t really sure if it was related to the events that would eventually come to pass, but Natsume had been weirdly on edge for _days_ . No matter what he did, his nerves reeled and his fingertips sparked with excess energy. Sometimes his mind raced (everything feeling too loud, too bright, _too much_ for absolutely no reason) while other times it dragged through a sleep-deprived mud. Overall, he just felt awful.

There really wasn’t much he could do about it, though. His mother was traveling, fitting in as many clients she could before Christmas and New Year because that was the prime of year for her business. His dad was busy with work too, coming home long after Natsume should have been asleep and leaving just before breakfast. So he tried to manage it by himself.

Even still, it felt like he was just barely making it. Eventually everything had to come crashing down, it was just a matter of when it would happen rather than how.

Natsume really should have taken that into consideration too.

Classes were in session – not that he was really taking part – and he kept himself holed up in his usual hideout. The thought had crossed his mind to at least attend morning classes just to have some kind of distraction, or even (god forbid) just go to gym class some time in the afternoon, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. Something about aimlessly rearranging the various vials and containers on his desk seemed much more productive and engaging at that moment.

(It really wasn’t, but anything was better than sitting through math class or running laps around the school.)

He was probably a few hours into the project when _it_ happened. He was caught up in his own thoughts, trying to condense whatever he could into smaller spaces and tossing out whatever he didn’t need anymore. The desk was long and wide, but had become cluttered in the months since returning from summer break, simply because Natsume had let himself get more involved in his idol activities than maintaining the secret room. He thought that, maybe, if he had a better spot to work in he could use the productivity to cure whatever was happening to him.

Natsume reached for the far end of the desk, his body bent over the surface just enough for the edge to dig into his stomach, his grasping at a box covered in far too much dust.

Almost…almost…

“Natsume-kun?” a voice asked from behind him, “Did you skip class again?”

Now, in most cases, that wouldn’t garner any kind of reaction – but one has to consider the situation he was in. There was the general stress he was already dealing with and then the fact he was already distracted, and therefore unaware of his surroundings.

 _That_ was why Tsumugi’s voice was enough to not only make him jump, but do it so hard that his whole body made the desk shake and knock over various items along the edge.

“You idIOT!” Natsume yelled, rubbing at his stomach, “What did I say about coming in HERE? Aren’t you supposed to be in clASS?” He looked down at the floor, “And now some of these bottles are broKEN. Do you know how hard it is to clean up glASS?”

“Ahh, I’m sorry! I just stopped by your class to follow up on something and you weren’t there, so I just made the assumption.” Tsumugi started to squat down, “This was my mistake, let me clean it up.”

“You’re going to cut yourSELF. I don’t want another mess to clean UP.” He dug through the trash bag he had been tossing empty containers in and pulled out a box to collect the shards in. “Move out of the wAY.”

“This smells terrible,” Tsumugi choked, his face scrunching up, “and it’s smoking. Are we going to get poisoned? What was in those bottles?”

“I won’t know until you let me cheCK! Stop touching thEM.” As much as he hated to it admit, Tsumugi was right about the smell and the chemicals were having some kind of reaction, fizzling and bubbling on the rug as smoke streamed into the air. It wouldn’t be something deadly, because Natsume wasn’t stupid enough to leave something that strong hanging around at school, but it could make them very sick.

“No it’s fine, better I slice my finger open than you. I can take care of it really…” Still, he blinked a few times and swallowed, “O-oh…actually. Hold on a minute, I need to just…” He adjusted his legs so that he could sit down and pulled off his glasses to rub between his eyes.

“Get out of here before you breathe more of it in, SenPAI. I can do it by mySELF.”

“I can help, just give me a second!” His words were sharper than Natsume had ever heard, but he seemed to level out quickly, “It just feels like it got really warm, it’s kind of disgusting…”

Natsume paused, noticing that he felt sweat collecting on the back of his neck. He pulled off his blazer and threw it to the side, “It’s the lack of ventilatION, the smoke is probably making it waRM.”

“You shouldn’t work in these conditions, it’s bad for your health.” He pulled his hand away, “It would be awful if something happened, Natsume-kun.”

And suddenly Natsume’s mouth felt like it completely dry. His chest tightened and his breath hitched. He wanted to break eye contact but…

Tsumugi swallowed again, and now that it was easier to seem them without his glasses in the way – Natsume noticed that his eyes were a bit dilated. His jaw hung a little and he shifted his legs, leaving a space between them, “Natsume…-kun…”

Before he realized what he was doing, Natsume braced his right foot on the ground and _lunged_ at Tsumugi over the shattered glass. The weight of it was enough to push them backwards, he was pretty sure Tsumugi’s head bounced a little with the impact, but neither of them seemed to care as Natsume fisted the lapels of Tsumugi’s blazer and Tsumugi grabbed at the back of his legs.

A logical, sane part of his mind shrieked, “ _what do you think you’re doing?!_ ” Because yeah, maybe if things hadn’t turned out the way they did or if it was even just a year ago, Natsume would have seen the whole situation they were in as a dream come true. At that moment in time, however, there was no way it would be a good idea.

Still, when their lips brushed his heart raced. That smart little voice got pushed to the back, “Kiss me.”

Tsumugi didn’t hesitate, lifting his head just enough for them to actually kiss. His tongue slid in easily and it occurred to Natsume that he had never actually done this before, so he didn’t know what he actually needed to do. He opened his mouth a bit more, trying to figure out what exactly came next. It felt awkward, a little too slick and warm, but then Tsumugi lightly sucked on the tip of his tongue and oh… _oh…_ that was enough for him to get the idea.

One hand remained firmly on the back of Natsume’s leg while the other trailed up just enough to start untucking his shirt. When it was finally free, Tsumugi’s other hand joined. He tried to undo the buttons, but through his frustration settled on just ripping it open, sending them flying everywhere.

Natsume pulled away, “My shIRT…” he tried to protest, but his voice felt weak and his head was already starting to feel foggy. The material felt rough as it slid down his arms. When Tsumugi pulled off his turtleneck after that, his necklace tangled a bit and caught in his hair.

“I’ll fix it later,” Tsumugi rasped, finally managing to throw the offending garment and jewelry across the room. His mouth latched onto the spot where Natsume’s neck ended and his collarbone started, sucking with an intensity that actually _really hurt_ and stung with each brush of teeth.

He moaned despite the pain, his legs shaking as he rolled his hips down, desperate for any kind of friction. He couldn’t even think about what he actually wanted at that moment, caught somewhere in between wanting all of his own clothes off right at that moment and wanting Tsumugi to just take a moment to get undressed too.

Still, Tsumugi seemed more than content to take things into his own hands and none of Natsume’s (admittedly, very rare) fantasies had never really made it past the point of kissing. Normally he wouldn’t even consider it, but every brush of skin felt like striking a match and forming words felt like too much of a chore, so he decided it would be best to go with the flow.

In what felt like a blink, but was probably really quite a few minutes, Natsume realized that he _was_ completely naked. Somewhere along the line Tsumugi had lost his blazer, sweater, and tie, but hadn’t even opened his shirt. Natsume heard himself whine which was _awful and terrible_ because there was _no way in hell_ that he would do that of his own free will. At the same time, though, he was also keenly aware of Tsumugi’s hand around his dick and figured that maybe, just maybe his reaction was stemming from _that_ and not some weird neediness.

“Natsume-kun…Natsume-kun…” Tsumugi panted, squeezing a little, “I can’t…I just…”

Natsume bit his lip, muffling whatever embarrassing noise wanted to come out next. He grabbed Tsumugi’s wrist, pushing it away so that he could crawl out of his lap. His limbs felt like they’d been replaced with static and every movement felt heavy. Somehow he managed to make it onto his hands and knees, and with a shaky breath he lowered the top half of his body to hide his face in his arms. “Hurry up…” he managed, his voice cracking.

He gasped when Tsumugi’s lips brushed against the back of his neck, and his shivers only seemed to get harder as a kiss was placed on each knob of bone in his spine. Tsumugi’s thumb was already pressed against his hole, gently circling without pressing in enough. Natsume tried to push back, but Tsumugi held him in place – attention focused on sucking another painful hickey onto the small of Natsume’s back.

His lip started to bleed a bit as he bit down harder, trying his best not to beg. Suddenly Tsumugi’s tongue, warm and slick, trailed all the way down. Natsume’s jaw dropped and no amount of control in the world could hold back the low, breathy moan that came with it. He felt Tsumugi spread him farther, tongue replacing his thumb as it circled and dipped inside. His body vibrated as Tsumugi moaned against him.

Natsume screwed his eyes shut tight as he pressed further, wishing that he could roll onto his back and grab onto Tsumugi’s hair because it was _so close_ but still _not enough_. His fingers grasped uselessly on the rug and through his haze he could feel Tsumugi’s free hand trail away from his back to his stomach, slowly moving downwards and just barely catching his navel piercing before circling around his shaft. There was a hard tug and suddenly everything went not just white, but also a myriad of greens and pinks.

When he finally came to, still thrusting uselessly into Tsumugi’s sticky and wet hand, Natsume noticed that the rug was scorched where he had been trying to hold on. He blinked fuzzily, trying to will his brain to put the pieces together, but his orgasm had only seemed to cloud it more. He pressed the side of his face against the floor, panting as Tsumugi ate him out with increasing vigor.

Just when he thought he could come again (he wasn’t even sure if that feeling went away to begin with), everything stopped. Natsume groaned and tried to chase the feeling, but Tsumugi’s hands roughly grabbed his hips. He tried to rock them, but nails dug into his skin and he felt something blunt press against his hole.

The logical part of his brain came roaring back in, screaming that it was too much, too fast and that he was nowhere near prepared enough. But before his consciousness could catch up with that train of thought, Tsumugi was already pushing in.

Tears sprung up into Natsume’s eyes and he let out a short scream, feeling like he was being ripped in two just from the pressure of it. It was big, bigger than anything he had tried before (which was really just limited to his own fingers) and so far out of the realm of imagination that he thought he was going to fall apart. The tears trailed down his cheeks and he curled into himself, trying to choke back down the sobs that wracked his body.

At the same time, a pleasure coiled up deep in his stomach. His nerves sang with the sensation of feeling _full_ and his instincts made him roll into it, trying to take in as much as possible. His cock twitched and leaked, his entire physical being begging for more, more, _more_.

Tsumugi was obviously trying his best to stay perfectly still as his own body trembled and shook. He rested the top of his head between Natsume’s shoulder blades, “I’m sorry…I’m sorry…” he croaked. He moved enough to kiss and nose at Natsume’s hair, “I-I have to move, I’ve got to… _Natsume_ …” His hips pulled back, almost all the way out.

And Natsume sobbed harder at that, but he couldn’t tell if it was the pain or because the idea of not having Tsumugi inside of him made it feel like he was going to die. He looked over his shoulder in time to see Tsumugi slam back in, rotating his hips before pulling out again and repeating the process.

He peered up, just to catch a glimpse and moaned at the sight. Although he would never admit it out loud, Tsumugi looked so incredibly sexy at that moment. His eyes, clearly visible without his glasses, were hooded over and focused only on where they were connected. His lips were swollen and wet, and Natsume’s heart jumped because he knew he was responsible for that. The muscles in his stomach and chest flexed a little with each trust, but his arms were especially defined as he gripped Natsume’s hips.

Natsume dropped his head back down, groaning as he realized that it stopped hurting somewhere along the way. He rested all of his weight onto his left arm, wiggling his right underneath himself so that he could thumb at the head of his cock. His vision blurred around the edges and his lungs hurt because he just couldn’t seem to catch his breath.

Suddenly Tsumugi pushed him down harder and Natsume lost his grip, almost falling flat onto his face. Tsumugi’s nails stung into his skin and Natsume jerked forward as he gave one last big thrust.

Warmth pulsed inside and took him by surprise, causing Natsume to gasp. His cock jolted and soon he was coming across his hand and the rug. He brought his hand up and licked at it experimentally.

Tsumugi groaned from above and pulled out. He flipped Natsume over without seeming to care about the wet spot.

Natsume licked another stripe from his fingers, shivering a little as he felt Tsumugi’s own cum leaking out. “SenPAI…you could take a little more cARE…”

Instead of answering, Tsumugi just grabbed Natume’s hand away and kissed him messily (which was actually kind of gross, considering where his mouth had been, but Natsume was too far gone to really register that). He pulled away and kissed at the underside of his jaw, “Natsume…Natsume…”

Natsume tipped his head back, tangling the fingers of his free, thankfully clean hand into Tsumugi’s hair.

There was a nip at his skin, and then another one. “Natsume-kun, again…” Tsumugi practically growled, “I need it again.”

Cloudiness filled his senses all over and his breath caught in his throat. Natsume brought his legs up and wrapped them around Tsumugi’s waist, “OkAY…okay…”

* * *

The second round of sex didn’t hurt nearly as much, and actually felt really good. Tsumugi hadn’t taken his eyes off Natsume, and he almost felt pampered with all of the attention.

The third round had mostly been a lot of heavy petting and extended foreplay, which Natsume fumbled through as best as he could. They could have gone all the way, but it felt too overstimulating and tender when Tsumugi pressed inside.

It only really stopped when their joints ached and protested the hours on the hard floor. The rug was long gone, and Natsume resigned himself to the fact he would have to roll it up and throw it out at some point.

He leaned back and closed his eyes, trying to catch his breath and push through the still lingering haze in his brain. His hair was plastered to the back of his neck from the sweat, his hips twinged, and he ached, but it didn’t really seem to matter. He felt Tsumugi kiss him chastely, but he was gone before Natsume could kiss back. Natsume opened his eyes enough to watch Tsumugi stand, pulling on his underwear before walking over to the desk.

There were long scratch marks on his back. Natsume preened just a bit.

Tsumugi came back with a wad of napkins that probably came from one of the drawers. He settled himself between Natsume’s legs, “Ah, I made a terrible mess. I’ll replace the rug.”

“Senpai, please shut UP. You’re ruining the mOOD.”

“Sorry, sorry…this is probably why it’s best to use protection.” He wadded up the dirty napkins and tossed them to the side, “We still need to pick up the glass.”

Natsume hummed, “In a minUTE. I just want to check someTHING. Where did you throw my underWEAR?”

“Um, let me see…oh here we go. No hold on, I’ll put it on for you.”

“Senpai, I’m not a baBY. I can dress mySELF.”

“I want to do it; you look so cute like this.”

Natsume scowled and kicked Tsumugi’s stomach. He rolled his eyes when Tsumugi groaned and pulled his underwear on the rest of the way. “Finish getting dreSSED.” He wiggled his way out from under Tsumugi and walked on his knees over the pile of glass, minding his steps. He carefully looked through the shards, putting together what he could from the labels, “Hm…I figuRED.”

“Figured what?”

He got up to his feet, “I need a bOOK. The case in front of you, top shELF. It’s blue and black, with silver lettERING. It’s one of the few in JapanESE.”

Tsumugi latched his belt closed and picked up his shirt, pulling it on as he walked to the bookcase. He scanned through the spines before picking one out, “I got it.”

When Tsumugi placed the book on the desk, Natsume flipped through the pages. He paused when he felt Tsumugi’s arms wrap around him and his chin rest on his shoulder. Part of him debated just laying across the desk for another round, but he shook that away. “Must you cling to ME?”

“You’re warm, Natsume-kun. I would like to read it too, anyway.”

Natsume rolled his eyes, but didn’t feel much of a need to protest. He found the page he was looking for and silently read through it. Just as he had guessed, the two liquids and dried herbs were part of an aphrodisiac spell when put together – one part of it was something to boost sexual drive, the second to cut down refractory times, and the last was a general sensory enhancement. Obviously the combination would ignite something.

As he kept reading on, however, something cold and harsh dropped into his stomach.

_Please note, as the blend of these compounds is designed to heighten attraction, care must be taken in brewing. If not properly measured and monitored, it will take on the strongest user’s feelings and influence other participating parties. Please take proper care._

Natsume felt his eyes widen and he turned to look at Tsumugi, because it couldn’t be possible.

Tsumugi looked deathly pale, horrified as he dropped his hands and backed away. And that was all the proof Natsume needed.

His buried, but long standing affections had influenced the spell. It wasn’t their mutual feelings coming to a head, he had _forced_ the situation. Tsumugi wasn’t actually attracted to him.

“Tsumugi-senPAI…”

“I, um,” Tsumugi looked panicked. He grabbed his sweater and blazer off the floor, along with Natsume’s dress shirt, “I should probably head home. Classes are probably still going on but, uh, it’s probably best I don’t walk in now. I’m all sweaty and probably need a shower.” He kept his gaze averted, heading up the stairs, “I’ll have your shirt fixed tomorrow, please make sure you’re in class.”

Natsume opened his mouth to say something, anything, but nothing came out. Before he knew it he was alone. He felt something thick in his throat and swallowed hard, because he had already embarrassed himself by crying earlier, and there was no way he was going to give into that again.

He took a deep breath and rubbed at his face. He found his socks and pants, quickly putting them on. His turtle neck was a little farther way, and after untangling his necklace from the lump of fabric, he put them on as well. He rolled his belt up and put it in his blazer pocket, figuring there really wasn’t much of a point if he wasn’t staying.

He rubbed at his face once more, and scowled when it actually felt a little wet. He dropped his blazer back onto the ground, slapping his hands down onto the desk with a frustrated noise. “S̵̤̞̊ͅt̵̟͂́̕ṷ̸͋̈ͅp̶̺͎͔̏̓̾i̸͔̻̎d̷͎̰́̈!̵̭̖̱̅ ̶̟̼̒́͌” he scolded himself, “S̸̡͊t̵̟̮́u̴̢͇͆̕p̸̱͎͎̃̈͛i̷̺̤̇̋d̸̠̮̂̿͊!̶̧̼̒͐̓ ̴̧̝͝S̷̗̮̙̉̊t̷̢̜͜u̷̗̙͐̋p̶̬̒ĩ̷̡̲̹̚ḑ̵̲͂͘!̷̛̬̞”

He slapped it again and kept going until the palms felt sore, until the feeling like he wanted to scream went away. On the desk a few of the glass vials cracked and one of the wooden boxes burst open, but he was too caught up to even notice.

It just felt like parts of him were being ripped apart.

* * *

Natsume skipped school entirely the next day, and the morning after that. On the afternoon of the second day he made it to the building and planned to spend the stay down in the secret room, but when he made it to the door his stomach bubbled and it felt like he was going to throw up.

Going home right away would have been a waste of the train fare, so he just gave in. After a quick trip to the school store, he walked into the classroom at lunch. If anybody looked at him when he walked in, he just ignored it, tossing the plastic bag with his lunch onto his desk and plopping into the seat.

“Natsume-kun, you’re in today?” Subaru asked, far too good natured, “Blue-senpai was looking for you yesterday, did you get a chance to talk to him?”

“Was he nOW?” Natsume replied, trying to school his voice into an icy tone. He dug through the bag and pulled out a jam pan and unwrapped it. “Well, if he needs me he knows where to find ME.”

“Did you two have a fight? He seemed upset,” Subaru pulled up a chair and sat backwards in it. When he tried to reach into the bag, Natsume slapped his hand away. “I mean, he always seems that way but it was more this time.”  

“That’s not really your business, Baru-KUN. Whatever is going on between me and Senpai is something that stays between US.” Natsume took a big bite.

Subaru shrugged, “Just figured I would ask.”

“Sakasaki-kun!” Hokuto called out from the front of the classroom, “Kagehira-kun is here to see you.”

Natsume looked up, mouth full of bread. He gave Mika a look that basically said he wasn’t going to get up, and luckily that was enough. He wiped at his mouth as Mika walked up, placing a folded shirt on his desk.

“Nakkun, Tsumu-chan-senpai asked me t’give this to ya. I think he wanted t’drop it off yesterday.”

“And he was too busy to do it toDAY?”

Mika shrugged, “He jus’ gave it t’me in th’ club room. He said ya didn’t wanna see him or somethin’. I was helpin’ Oshisan with our new outfits so I wasn’t payin’ th’ best attention.”

He shoved another bite into his mouth, stifling the fact that Tsumugi probably meant that _he_ didn’t want to see _Natsume_ and that Mika had misunderstood.

“Oh, so you weren’t even here yesterday? I just thought you were hiding out because of that math test.”

Natsume rolled his eyes and swallowed, “I’m not afraid of some TEST. I just hurt my back cleaning stuff out of my LAB. I wanted to get some rest so I stayed hoME.” It wasn’t really a total lie, his back had hurt something awful, but Subaru didn’t need to know it was from his ass getting completely destroyed.

Even just thinking about it was enough to make him feel a little warm and shift in his seat, but he tried to push it back down since what had happened was _wrong_ and a complete mistake. Suddenly he didn’t feel like eating much.

“Anyway, I gotta go. I’m supposed t’be helpin’ set up for a live t’day.”

Natsume looked at the three pieces of bread left in his bag, “Mika-kun, do you have lunCH?”

Mika rubbed the back of his neck, “Ah, Oshisan made me a bento, but I forgot it this mornin’. Ya won’t tell him, right?”

He shoved the bag into Mika’s hands, “Just don’t tell that idiot senpai that you saw me toDAY.”

“What? No fair, Natsume-kun!” Subaru balked, reaching for the bag.

“Hm, I don’ really get it, but if that’s all Nakkun wants I can do that.” Mika kept the plastic bag just out of Subaru’s reach, “But y’should prolly talk t’him at some point.”

“Maybe I should take my bread, baCK.”

“And that’s my cue t’leave.”

* * *

If Natsume had more of choice, he would have avoided Tsumugi for as long as he possibly could. Cleaning up the mess in the secret room had been bad enough, and he’d done of sloppy job of it just so he wouldn’t have to be in there any longer than he had to.

But when Saturday rolled around, he realized that he had completely forgotten about their joint practice with AKATSUKI (of all units!) and wanted to kick himself.

He debated skipping, because it wasn’t like they had an actual, dedicated live they were preparing for. It was just some off campus B1 that the organizer kept flip flopping on, and Natsume was about 95 percent sure it wasn’t going to happen anyway.

In the back of his mind though, he knew if he skipped practice and it _did_ wind up actually getting canceled, Keito would find some way to twist it into being Natsume’s fault and go running to Eichi. He weighed his options and decided that he could make it through a couple of hours without losing his mind. He didn’t _have_ to interact with Tsumugi and practice would probably be distracting enough. It was going to be fine.

Spoiler alert, it was not fine.

Keito was in a piss poor mood, apparently. Natsume had no idea why, nor did he really care, but  it meant that he was more interested in nitpicking Switch’s choreography than working on stuff for his own unit. Yes, admittedly, they were making some glaring mistakes – because Natsume was obviously distracted and Tsumugi was clearly trying to avoid him. That absolutely did not mean that anybody, other than Anzu, had a right to say anything about it..

“Sakasaki-kun,” he huffed crossing his arms, “I know you don’t give a damn about this performance, but would it kill you to at least put in some effort? You’re a leader, act like one.”

Natsume rolled his eyes, “My, my someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, didn’t THEY? Please forgive me if Switch isn’t as polished as the great and powerful AKATSUKI, Hasumi-senPAI. We are only trying our beST.”

“Don’t give me that. Some of us want to maintain some air of professionalism.”

“Is it hard to danCE with the Emperor’s hand shovED so far up your a—”

“Okay, break it up.” Anzu clapped her hands, “I know you neither one of you wants to do this, but please try to get along. AKATSUKI and Switch were specifically requested for this event, for some strange reason, so just play nice for a little while.”

“Only because the Little Kitten asked so, niceLY,” Natsume shot Keito a dirty look when he scoffed, “let’s try this aGAIN.”

“Thank you,” Anzu went back to the stereo and switched back to the previous track, “maybe just try dancing instead of singing this time. Until you get the steps right.”

Natsume kind of wanted to point out that that was obvious, or that they were idols and knew how to coordinate their movements, but knew it wasn’t worth it. He got into his position in front of Tsumugi and Sora, “We’ll get it right this tiME.”

It started off okay, a lot better than the previous attempts, and it looked like they were finally going to get through the entire song without a mistake. Natsume kept his eyes forward, only occasionally looking at Sora to make sure he wasn’t having any trouble, because it was the best way to make sure he wouldn’t catch Tsumugi in his peripheral.

And that’s why they wound up bumping into each other. Tsumugi tripped over Natsume’s ankle and fell over, which was enough to distract Sora and lose his timing. Natsume groaned and covered his face, while Tsumugi started apologizing.

“Unbelievable,” Keito mumbled, unaware that he was one more word away from getting punched.

“That was my fault,” Tsumugi rushed, getting onto his feet, “I went too fast.”

 _No, it’s because I wasn’t looking at where I was going_ , Natsume internalized. Next to him, he noticed that Sora had a contorted look on his face, “Is something wrong, SoRA? Are you HURT?”

Sora shook his head, “Are Shishou and Senpai okay?”

Natsume felt bile bubble up in his throat.

Tsumugi whipped his head around, eyes wide.

Anzu tilted her head, “Tsumugi-senpai didn’t fall down that hard, Sora.”

“No just…” he wrinkled his nose, “they’re all weird. Shishou’s red is supposed to be brighter and Senpai’s all gray. Sora is worried.”

Natsume swallowed hard, because he really felt like he was going to throw up. His mouth felt like sandpaper, but also had that sensation one gets before getting sick. He turned on his heel towards his bag.

“Sakasaki-dono?” Souma asked, finally speaking up.

Natsume kicked off his practice shoes and knelt down to shove them in his bag, “I’m going home.”

“Just over a bad practice?” Keito cut in, “You’re an idol, you have a job. Stick it out.”

He zipped up his bag, “Leave me aLONE.”

“Stop acting like a child and—”

“I̷̹̫̽̋͝ ̸̤̪̤̝͈̋s̴͍̬̀̓̿̽̅͜a̴͖͍̔̆ḯ̸͛ͅd̴̩̩͉͉̆͌͂̚̕͜ ̴̙̌̿l̸̦͊̒͝ͅe̷̝̫̚͜a̸̮̼͈̦͂̋v̸̜̺͂͘͜e̷̯̳͔̿ ̷̫͎̫͛͆m̴̞͎ẻ̶̬̼͚̫̾̇ ̴̡̞̬͉̪́̃͂͋͠ǎ̵̡̨̫͕̩̉͛̎l̵̢̯̫̿͠o̸͇̿͋ṉ̵̎̈́̈́̌ę̶̺͒̇͝!̷͇̻͎̫̹̑̄̈́ ̴̙̦͎͋̽̕ͅ” Natsume turned and shouted, suddenly feeling a whirlwind of energy flow through his body. A million different shades of red, green, and pink sparked in his vision and he felt something pulse forward.

Keito, Anzu and Sora got knocked off of their feet with the blast, but Tsumugi, Kuro, and Souma somehow managed to hold their ground. The mirrors in the practice room cracked and the stereo short circuited.

Natsume felt his lower lip tremble and the corners of his eyes stung. His chest tightened and he scrambled to put on his outside sneakers and grab all of his stuff. He bolted from the room without looking back. He just ran and ran, until he realized that he was at the train station.

He put his hands on his knees and panted, hoping that his lungs would stop burning sooner rather than later. Before any of that could happen, the sickening feeling bubbled back up in his throat and he couldn’t hold back anymore, and he buried his head in the closest trash can so he could vomit.

It just seemed like his problems were getting worse and worse.

* * *

Growing up, Natsume had gotten used to a certain way of living.

They had moved around a lot, his mother’s work taking them from place to place. Most of their temporary homes had been small, cramped apartments in big cities. They didn’t have a lot of money, but there was magic, there was happiness, and they had each other. Natsume didn’t need anything else as long as he had his parents.

But then Mommy’s career flourished, and Daddy came up with the idea of having Natsume become an idol as well as a fortune teller, so their lives had to change.

Their house wasn’t very big, but it was quite old – built sometime after the war and during the American occupation. It was a bit drafty in the winter and dated on the outside, but for the first time Natsume had his own room and they didn’t have to shush the cats if they made too much noise.

He absolutely hated it.

Since he had to stay in one place for school, that meant his mom was gone for long stretches of time. His dad was home more often, but it wasn’t the same as having them all together. He knew that at his age he should have been reveling in the privacy, but when one gets used to a particular lifestyle it could be hard to adjust.

And after the day he had just had, all he really wanted was his parents.

“I’m home…” he called out as he closed the door behind him. He toed off his shoes and called out again, “Daddy?”

He walked into the tatami room and dropped his bag before continuing into the kitchen. His heart sunk a little bit when he saw a note taped to the rice cooker.

**_Client had an emergency and I needed to run to the office. Please start the rice cooker when you get back, should be home by dinner. – Daddy_ **

Natsume looked at the clock, knowing full well that he was home earlier than planned. Still he flipped the switch on the rice cooker. If he started dinner early, that meant he could go to sleep and forget everything about that day.

Around the time Natsume was originally supposed to be home, his dad sent an email saying that was going to be late (which he had already figured would happen) and to start dinner without him (which he’d done already, fully expecting the situation).

He still didn’t have any appetite by the time he finished putting together his dad’s plate to keep in the fridge. He stored away the rest of the food and left the rice to stay warm in the cooker. Just the idea of staying awake long enough to eat made him want to throw up again.

He left the lights on in the kitchen and genkan so his dad wouldn’t be completely in the dark before heading upstairs. He dug his uniform out of his bag to throw it into the hamper before pulling off his practice clothes to put them in too.

The hot water didn’t do much to ease the tension in his shoulders, but he still kept his head under it for as long as he could take it. He scrubbed furiously at his hair and tried to erase every single second from the afternoon, from the past week in fact.

Sora had called Tsumugi gray, so different from the vibrant shades of blue he normally described when talking about him. Tsumugi was gray because of Natsume, because he had let _his_ feelings get the best of them. The guilt of it ate at his stomach.

Yet, at the same time Natsume couldn’t help but remember Tsumugi’s hands on his hips, or the soft words of encouragement when he fucked into Natsume a second time – slower and gentler than the first. He wondered if the hickey on his back was still there, since the ones on his chest and collarbones hadn’t completely faded away.

He squeezed his eyes shut as a pang of arousal shot through his body, quickly shoving his head under the water so he could rinse out the conditioner. What was he _thinking_ – getting all hot and bothered over something like _that_? It hadn’t been some genuine, intense connection, it was all just his giant fuck up.

He wanted to just scrub the entire day away, hell, the entire month. He wanted to scrub and scrub until his skin was red and raw and until the entire incident wiped away from his mind. But no matter how much he willed it, his arms wouldn’t move. The water pouring over his head felt like individual bullets pounding into his skull.

Natsume opened his mouth and tried to breathe in, but nothing happened. His throat closed up and his chest tightened. He tried again, realizing that he’d opened his eyes at some point and that the edges of his vision were starting to go dark. He gripped at the shower stool, scared that he was going to fall over. He couldn’t _breathe_ , no matter how hard he tried nothing would come in.

His shoulders shook and his head spun, and all he could think was that he was going to die. He was going to pass out and die in his shower. Rest in peace, Sakasaki Natsume, the world hardly knew you. At least Tsumugi wouldn’t have to deal with the constant reminder of his presence.

With that thought, something finally managed to break through. The rush of air felt like fire burning at his throat and he heaved as he tried to get his wits about him. He felt like he wanted to cry, but like hell was he going to subject himself to that. So he shoved every little bit of his deep inside until there was nothing left to feel.

The water felt cold, and if it wasn’t for the fact he was freezing he would have skipped the bath entirely. He climbed into the tub and lowered himself down just enough so that half of his face was under the water.

Later that night his phone buzzed with an email. Anzu explained that the promoter had officially canceled the event (which caused Keito to throw an even bigger fit) and not to worry about the damage in the practice room because they (actually, surprisingly, Keito specifically) were going to take care of it. She didn’t question anything and just said she would see him in class on Monday.

* * *

Natsume skipped school for the entire week afterwards.

His dad didn’t question it, all Natsume had to say was that he didn’t feel well. His mom still wasn’t home to push him into going – she wasn’t due to be home until Christmas at least.

When Christmas did roll around, she sent an email saying her last client of the year was being particularly troublesome. She desperately wanted to be with both of them, but promised to be back in time for the new year.

“We’ll make the best of it, then,” his dad said with a shrug as he unwrapped the cake box, “why don’t we take a picture of us eating cake to make her jealous? It’s her favorite part so that’ll get her riled up.”

Natsume wanted to agree, because he knew it was the fastest way to get her to call and he really missed his mother’s voice. Still, he could only bring himself to give a halfhearted nod.

His dad gave him a concerned look and reached a hand over, brushing his hair away from his forehead, “Are you still feeling sick? Should we go to the doctor?”

“I’m fiNE…” he leaned into it a bit, only just realizing how much he wanted that kind of contact, “Mommy’s been away for so long.”

“She really has. I hope she’s not overworking herself, we don’t need her getting sick again.” He pulled his hand away and walked over to the counter to grab a knife, “Something tells me you’re not being completely honest though.”

There was absolutely no way he could tell his dad about what had happened, it would be far to embarrassing. As much as he loved his parents, it was a lot to say “I might have accidentally cast a spell that forced my crush to have sex with me” especially when it had to be followed up with “by the way, I’m not a virgin anymore” and “side note, I think I like boys too.” So, he tried to settle for something different.

“I haven’t been able to sleep…and I almost blew up the milk carton when I stubbed my toe.”

His dad paused and snickered a bit, “Ah, you’re having a growth spurt I guess.”

“It’s not funny!”

“Sorry, sorry,” still he had a bit of smile when he came back to cut into the cake. “My magic isn’t nearly as strong as your mother’s, so I’m probably not the best at explaining. When you reach a certain age your body goes through certain changes—”

“Daddy! We had this talk so long ago, please don’t bring it back up!”

“The same goes for your magic too,” he placed a slice on a plate and put it in front of Natsume, “To be honest, we should have had this talk back then too but we never expected you to be as strong as you are. Men generally aren’t as proficient in magic as women – capable, just usually not as in tune, plus we’ve always been worried about your health. You’ve never stopped surprising us, Nacchan.”

The tips of his ears felt red and he kept his head down, “So, what, it’s some extra level of puberty?”

“Basically. I wish I could do more for you, but it’s a bit above my caliber.” He sat down in front of his own plate, “When Mommy calls, I’ll let you two have some privacy to talk about it. Would that help?”

“Maybe…thanks, Daddy.”

By the time Natsume’s mother did call, loudly complaining about how unfair of them it was to tease her when she was stuck in a hotel room all by herself, he still felt too embarrassed to tell her anything. Still, listening to her talk about the snowfall in Hokkaido and the various clients she’d been seeing gave him a sense of comfort and made him feel just a little less lonely.

For the first time in a while, he managed to sleep through the night.

* * *

“Mommy, have you ever felt like you made a mistake that you couldn’t come back from?”

Natsume wasn’t really sure what prompted him to ask at that moment. His mom had just come back the night before, and they were sitting in the tatami room while his dad finished putting together breakfast in the kitchen.

She looked up from the paper, eyebrow arched, “Did you kill someone? Do we have to hide a body?”

“No.”

“Then I’m pretty sure you’re fine.”

“It’s probably just as bad.”

She sighed and put down the paper, she scooched away from the table and held open her arms “Nacchi, come here.”

Natsume moved over to his mother, leaning into her embrace. His eyes closed as she stroked at his hair.

“All things will eventually come to pass, good and bad,” she said softly – her fingers carding through soft strands and ones dried out from too much bleach, “When you were born and the doctor…I wanted nothing more than to break every rule and look into my own future, just to see if you were in it. Deep in my heart though, I knew your destiny was not something I could control. Sometimes, we have to just let things happen and hope they turn out the way we want them to.”

He buried his face into her shirt, fingers fisting into the hem, “I like a boy…” _and I hurt him really bad_ , “and I don’t think he likes me baCK.”

His mom hummed, “Is he a Natsume-chan fan?” she laughed when he tensed up, “No matter who you love, Daddy and I will welcome them with open arms.”

“I really messed up, Mommy.”

She shushed him, not saying anything.

* * *

Thankfully, Natsume was able to keep himself busy the first few days back to school. There was a lot of work to catch up with in class, and Sora occupied all of his time at the Game Research Club. Nobody seemed eager to question him about the disastrous practice or following absence.  

It would have been a rousing success if he hadn’t run into Tsumugi at the train station on the way home from school.

Natsume ducked his head down, burying his face into his scarf – partially so he wouldn’t have to meet Tsumugi’s eyes and partially because his face still stung from the wind outside. “This isn’t your line, SenPAI.”

“Ah, yeah…” Tsumugi managed, and even though Natsume couldn’t see it, he was probably looking away as well, “the theater track asked the Handicrafts Club to help mend a costume. Shu-kun wouldn’t do it, so I offered to. I’m dropping it off at someone’s house. Her stop is two after yours.”

“You really shouldn’t waste your time doing things for other trACKS. You’re going to be busy with entrance exAMS.

“I’ll be okay. We don’t have lives scheduled just yet if that’s what you’re worried about.” He shivered and hugged the bag he was holding closer to his chest, “I can’t believe how cold it got since this morning, it’s even cold inside.”

“I’m not worried about thAT. Make sure you get home before the snow starts.”

When they finally boarded the train and it started to pull out, Natsume wondered if he was cursed because the snow had started falling sometime after he walked into the station. Out the windows, it looked like it was picking up with each second. Sure, there had been snow in the forecast – but not starting this early and definitely not this hard.

Natsume looked down at his own boots, then over to Tsumugi – who was definitely not wearing weather appropriate shoes. He sighed harshly, “SenPAI.”

Tsumugi jumped a bit, and looked over sheepishly. Natsume vaguely wondered if all he could think about was the incident in the secret room and if he was worried something would be forced on him again.

Still, the guilt would eat at him no matter what.

“Get off at my stop with ME. By the time you drop that off it won’t be safe to go home and you can’t get sick right NOW.”

“It’s okay, I can find some place to wait in if it gets bad.”

“That area is completely residentIAL. You’ll be even more useless if you slip and break your LEG.”

Tsumugi frowned a bit before looking outside. He looked back at Natsume and nodded, “Okay, sorry for being a disturbance.”

Natsume rolled his eyes, “It’s not a disturbance if I’m inviting YOU. Have some common senSE.”

Luckily, Natsume’s house wasn’t too far from the station because the snow was just reaching their ankles when they got off the train. By the time they made it inside, the snow was falling so hard that it was almost impossible to see too far ahead.

Tsumugi’s hair was dripping wet, but his clothes seemed like they were in okay condition. He didn’t protest when Natsume grabbed his school bag.

“Wait here while I get you a towEL. Put your jacket and the costume in the closET; we might have an extra pair of slippers that FIT.”

When Natsume came back with a towel, Tsumugi took it and started drying off his hair, “Sorry for the trouble…”

“If you keep apologizing I’ll throw you OUT.”

“Are your parents here?”

“Daddy works nearby, so he’ll probably wait until the very last minute to come hoME. Mommy is at the television station today so they’ll probably send her back in a car when she’s finishED.” He snatched the towel back, “Don’t just stand thERE. I’m going to start dinnER.”

“Let me help out, it’s the least I can do.”

Natsume rolled his eyes, but didn’t bother protesting. He kicked off his slippers before walking into the tatami room. “This wAY.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever actually been inside of your house before. I don’t know why I expected something different…maybe a little more modern.”

“All of the houses in this neighborhood are OLD. They’re building a new one down the street so others are sure to follOW.”

“Ah, that’s a shame.”

“Why would you say thAT? As houses get older, they become harder to maintAIN. Sometimes things have to change for the betTER.”

“That’s a surprising sentiment coming from yo-OW!” He rubbed the side of his arm were Natsume had thwacked him.

“I said for the better, don’t twist my woRDS.”

“Sorry, sorry.” He jumped a little when he noticed the two black cats sitting on the countertop, but thankfully kept his mouth shut as Natsume shooed them away. “What can I do?”

“You know how to make rice, don’t YOU?” Natsume looked over his shoulder as he opened up the fridge, “I’m pretty sure that isn’t too hard to figure OUT.”

Tsumugi mumbled something, but not loud enough to actually be heard. When Natsume asked him to repeat that, he was quick to say “nothing” and get to the task at hand.

He thought about what they had available and what would be easy to make with a fourth person included, before leaning down to open the vegetable drawer on their refrigerator. He pulled out ginger, an onion, and the other half of daikon they hadn’t used earlier that week and tossed them onto the counter. When Natsume heard the hard sound it made as it fell, he had to hold back a groan – he _hated_ cutting daikon, especially when it was cold.

Still he closed the drawer and pulled a knife out of the block, resigning himself to it. The initial cut to split it in half had been hard, but he figured it would be easier to do the rest if he could lay the pieces flat, he put himself into position to slice the rest, meticulously trying to make sure each piece came out evenly. That is until…

“Natsume-kun, do you-”

Natsume barely missed his fingers, suddenly cutting at an awkward angle. “Don’t sneak up on someone when they’re holding a knife, SenPAI!”

“Oh no! Are you hurt?” He reached out and grabbed Natsume’s wrist, inspecting his hand.

“NO! But I could have BEEN, I told you need to take more CARE.”

“Ah, I’m sorry, you’re absolutely right,” Tsumugi ducked his head, gently letting go, “This is becoming too much of a habit, it seems like I’m always finding some way to hurt you, Natsume-kun.”

“Wait, what do you MEAN?”

“I mean, it’s just obvious after everything that happened. I wanted to make it up to you before I graduated, but I’ve only managed to make things worse and I did something completely unforgivable-”

“SenPAI, what’s done is done. We can’t dwell on last year anymore.”

“No, I don’t mean that. I know you’ve never been…romantically involved with anybody, and I never planned on acting on my feelings, but I wound up forcing myself on you-”

Natsume felt his heart jump and he grabbed the sides of Tsumugi’s face, forcing him to look back at him, “What are you talking about? I’m the one that forced my feelings on _you,_ there’s no way you have enough potential to cast a spell like that.”

Tsumugi placed his hands over Natsume’s, “There’s no way _you_ could care about me that much, I’m not worth it.”

“Idiot! Why do you always have to say stuff like that, why can’t you accept the fact that maybe I’m in love with you!”

The way those words came out hung thick in the air, and Natsume felt his face go warm as he resisted the urge to take them back or say that he misspoke. He didn’t want to take them back though, he wanted all of this pain and tension to just go away. He wanted to be settled, to not feel constant sparks and overwhelming nausea if he got even just a little bit too close.

Tsumugi stood there silently, unmoving as he kept his hold on Natsume’s hands (and by association, his own face). He sighed with a deep breath, “Natsume-kun stopped speaking weirdly, so those must be his real feelings.”

“Of course they are,” Natsume managed, hearing his own voice crack, “which is why _I’m_ the one to blame. You can hate me now too.”

“I could never hate you,” he gently moved their hands away, lacing their fingers together, “there’s no way. I wouldn’t be standing here today if it wasn’t for you. There’s no one in this world that I could love more than Natsume-kun.” He cleared his throat, the tips of his ears a bit red, “And everything we did, well, I wouldn’t be opposed to doing again.”

“You’re not going to kiss me again right after eating my-”

Tsumugi was quick to interrupt, “I wasn’t thinking! It was the spell, really! I won’t do that again. The point is, you didn’t force me to do anything I wouldn’t have wanted anyway. Please don’t worry about it anymore.”

Natsume pouted, but shrugged, “Well thEN, what shall we do NOW?”

“You’re back to speaking weirdly again, it was nice while it lasted.” He swung their hands a little between them, “How about a do over? We’ll do things the right way this time.”

“I guess that could woRK, but aren’t we skipping a few steps by having you meet my parents so SOON?”

“Not a _complete_ do over, but it’s better than picking off where we left off…”

Natsume thought about it for a second, how easy it would be to just take Tsumugi by the hand and lead him up to his bedroom, consequences be damned. It wasn’t like it hadn’t crossed his mind often over the previous weeks and he felt a little shiver go down his spine at the thought of being _fully aware_ for it. At the same time, an aching guilt followed.

“Natsume-kun?”

“Can you kiss me, Senpai? We can pick up where we should have stopped the first time.”

Tsumugi nodded, “I can do that.” He leaned forward, closing his eyes while Natsume leaned up a bit to meet him.

When they met, Natsume felt the same energy that had plagued him for so long – the whites, the greens, the reds and pinks – but it felt so different from all the other times. It felt warm and secure, twisting with taming shades of blue.

It was a perfect moment until the vegetables next to them practically exploded, splattering against them.

Natsume pulled away, putting his face into his hands, “Oh my god.”

“Well, at least you won’t have to slice them anymore.”

“Shut up, SenPAI.”

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this...since March? Originally it was going to end in a completely different way (more sex) but as I kept writing Natsume, I realized that him and Tsumugi would both be in a very vulnerable place and not ready to take that step again. Maybe I'll write it separately, or I'll save what I was planning for the more tender scene for a different fic. I have a follow up I wanna do from Tsumugi's point of view, but meh. 
> 
> Also if Keito seems a little OOC there was kind of a point to it, but that was gonna be for a companion fic I might not write now AND it's also because this is from Natsume's perspective but *hand wave* 
> 
> Finally, this is my first entry in the [100fandomhell](https://100fandomhell.dreamwidth.org/profile) challenge I've decided to undertake. Good for me I guess.
> 
> Shoutout to Tenne for the quick beta job. Bless.


End file.
